…as in the purse, the king, and the comedian.

I brought him home early November, and we lost him yesterday to a freak accident. He sprang out of my arms and hit the floor, breaking his neck. The death was instant and painless for him. Louis was fast, feisty, and rarely still unless he was asleep, and even when asleep he woke up whenever we came near him, always up for love and affection. Rarely still, unless he was waiting for us to pick him up, even then his tail wagged like the arm of a kid in kindergarten who has the answer. Oooo Oooo. Pick me. Pick me. Pick me.

He was 12 weeks old. His life was brief, but he knew how to give and receive love and affection with no hesitations. I had much to learn from him. I’m learning that it’s hard for me to grieve privately. I want to bark and howl and moan so the whole world can hear, in an effort to spread the pain thin, in an effort to hear something return to me.

The day before Louis died, I read an article in the Sunday NY Times by Jonathan Franzen called “Technology Provides an Alternative to Love” and highlighted the line: To go through a life painlessly is to have not lived. At the time, I said, Bring on the pain, but not all at once. A pebble at a time, please. Well, this feels like a big fat dense brick. It’s the first loss our young family of four has experienced together. We’re sad, but ok and alive. My daughters and I wailed like good Koreans do when we mourn. My husband, the English-German, was more reserved. I think this was the first time our daughters saw their dad cry. We keep holding each other every chance we get, reaching out for warmth and comfort, hugging each other close to feel our hearts beat. My 11-year-old, who is studying the human heart in science class, put it this way: There will always be a Louis shaped hole in my aorta.

To all you lucky pet owners, please give your beloved some extra love today on our behalf.


Published in: on December 4, 2012 at 9:05 am  Comments (6)  

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6 CommentsLeave a comment

  1. I am so deeply sorry, for all of you.

  2. body{font-size:10pt;font-family:arial,sans-serif;background-color:#ffffff;color:black;}p{margin:0px;}Oh Patti, I lost my cat this summer and the pain is still intense.  I’m so sorry, and I will wail and moan for both of us.xoMarian

  3. OMG, is this for real?

    Sent from my Verizon Wireless 4G LTE Smartphone

  4. We are so so very sorry for your family’s loss. However, I must let you know how in awe I am in your ability to write so amazingly about your loss. What a beautiful blog in memorial to Louis. Please never stop writing.

  5. This really breaks my heart. I am so sad for all of you. If there are truly such a thing as angels, they most certainly occupy the bodies of our pets.

  6. I feel so terrible for you, what a tragic accident- he knew he was loved though in his brief time. Having loved and lost many pets over the years my heart aches for you. You become so attached after one minute. Blessings to you and your family and your furbaby. You might want to look at http://www.rainbowsbridge.com. Your kids and you might enjoy creating an online remembrance for Louis.

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